Diamond Tears

The tears I cry are for you.

Him.

Yes, you know who you are if you should ever stumble upon this blog and read this post (but I doubt you ever will).

It’s almost 3am as I write this (wondering if I will actually post it) and I’ve been crying for hours. I’m not afraid to admit it. Although, I’m surprised I have any tears left in my body.

Every tear I shed is the memory of a hug, a kiss. Every tear that rolls down my cheek is the memory of a touch, of time spent together. While the tears continue to roll down my water streaked face, each one falls to the ground, a diamond, a special gem, because each moment we spent together was special – priceless. And as those lovely diamond tears hit the ground they shatter into a million pieces – like my heart.

Have any of you ever felt the pain of a hundred knives stabbing at your heart as your insides twist?

Have any of you ever felt your heart cracking inside your chest?

I have.

And it’s one of the worse feelings in the world.

Somehow I still find beauty in the image of shattered diamonds littering the floor – like fairy dust, or stars scattered across the deep purple and navy sky.

All my life I’ve felt as though I’m constantly being tested. “How bad do you want this?” – that’s always been the questions.

By nature I fight for the things that are important. I’ve learned to separate the things which are petty, unimportant and materialistic from the things that are important, irreplaceable and priceless.

So now I have a choice. Do I move on or fight?

The situation isn’t your stereotypical boy and girl meet, then, boy dumps girl. There has been no so-called dumping involved here, only, a mere step backwards. No, this thing staring me in the face is deeper then any petty boy/girl problem. Especially when the feelings each have for the other are real, genuine. It’s atypical – more delicate, fragile. It’s like a beautiful butterfly. If you hold on too tightly you’ll crush it, but don’t hold on to it tight enough and it’ll fly away.

But I know him. I may not always be able to tell exactly what he’s thinking, but the eyes will betray a person every single time. It’s said that the eyes are the windows to the soul and his gave me just about every answer I needed.

So I will fight.

And I’ll pray to God that I’ve made the right choice, that everything will work out in the end.

Have any of you ever found that one person worth fighting for?

It’s said that the best things in life are worth fighting for, so, there you have it.

I’ll fight for every hug and kiss, for every laugh and smile, for every touch and moment spent together. I’ll fight for him because I believe he’s worth it. I’ll fight for him because I believe what we have is truly wonderful and because neither of us really want it to end.

So if time is what he needs to sort some things out, I’ll give him that time.

I’m not going anywhere. And he told me once that he’s not going anywhere either. We are the bright spots in each other lives. Personally, he makes bad days good and good days great. And I’m fairly confident that I do the same for him. So I will continue to be there for him, always, because I’m not giving up on him. I’m not giving up on us. I want this wonderful man in my life. And despite the jumbled thought filling his head, I know how he truly feels about me and his eyes said he wants me in his life too. I’m certain of it.

All I can do now is hope and pray. All I can do is have faith that I made the right choice and everything will be alright in the end. And to those who read this, all I can say is, always be brave enough to fight for the things you want in life, but also be brave enough to know when to walk away. Remember, it’s not over until it’s over.

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