We all have demons, those things that haunt us and cloud the tiny corners of our minds. They live in our memories and bury themselves in our souls. They effect our everyday lives and even go as far as to stop us from being happy. Most times we don’t talk about them. Instead we mask them, try to deal with them on our own and even attempt to run from them.
I know I have my fair share of demons.
Fear is my most common demon, but it seems like such a basic concept. All we have to do is face our fears to conquer them, right? With some things, I believe that’s a true statement, but fear has deep roots. Fear has the power to latch onto our deepest insecurities and grow. At the same time, is it possible that we give fear that power?
I used to be afraid that I wasn’t good enough, that I wouldn’t find anyone who wanted me and would like me for me. I suppose you could say I gave up. The idea of being alone was something that I got used to. I stopped looking and eventually stopped even caring.
And then I met him.
I met a man who made me laugh and smile and thought everything I did was cute and simply liked me for who I am. I met a man who wanted me, all of me, the whole package. (And I have to say that I want every piece of him too.)
But then fears from my past almost made me lose him on a few occasions, especially in the beginning. It almost ruined a good thing. Maybe sometimes the past does repeat itself, but not if the situation is different – he was, is, absolutely different. Not only does he have gorgeous eyes and a killer smile that makes me go weak in the knees every time I see him, but he’s one of the most kind, caring and affectionate souls I’ve ever met. Sure we have our bad moments, our rough patches, but nine out of ten times he treats me like a queen (and I always try to treat him like a king). He makes me feel desirable, beautiful, sexy – like a goddess. Thanks to him I now feel those things even when he’s not around because he built me up again. Somehow he tore down the walls that I had so effortlessly build over the years to shield myself from the hurt and the pain and the disappointment I was so used to feeling. Sure I still feel those things sometimes, but I’m only human. And, you know what? I wouldn’t change a thing. (And maybe that’s more then you all needed to know, but I pride myself on honesty.)
Fear of the past repeating and fear in general are the main cause of most of my problems. (If you even want to call them problems.) It causes me to hesitate (and hesitation kills). It causes me to question things that I know I’m confidant about (and I hate when that happens). It causes me walk away from things I would otherwise love to have done or been a part of.
But that’s what our demons do. They slip in and out of our consciousness, poisoning our lives and jeopardizing our chances at happiness. At the same time, I think we simply need to have the strength to exude power over our demons instead of letting them have power over us. Life is too short to bow down and allow our demons to dictate our lives.
Our demons can be more then fear, but I believe fear plays a large factor in the demons that run rampant in our lives. (At least in mine.) Demons can come from the past. Demons can come from our vices. Demons can be absolutely anything imaginable. The thing is, we can’t live in the past, thinking that history will repeat itself. We can’t run from our demons either. That would be like running from ourselves. Even if we manage to outrun our demons for a moment, they will always follow us, catch us, until we face them.