Attitude Adjustment

The mind is a powerful thing.

I’ve read studies that suggest the weather affects our attitudes. I’ve read other studies that suggest our outlooks affect our attitudes. In each of these scenarios our minds play a role.

Not that I believe everything I read, but, to a certain extent, I’m inclined to believe these two things.

Dull, rainy days have a way of making me feel tired and sluggish. These are the kind of days where, about 50 percent of the time, I’m unmotivated to do anything. Cold winter days make me want to snuggle under a blanket with a good book (or someone special) and a hot cup of tea, but give me a sunny brisk fall day, a comfortable spring day or a warm summer day and I’m ready to go.

It’s the same with my daily outlook. If I start off the day by thinking, “I don’t want to do this.” or “This is going to suck.” or any variation of “This is going to be a horrible day.” then, most likely, it will be. Not only that, but it’ll be difficult to get through the day.
I think a negative attitude poisons the mind. It steels our days and takes away any hope we have of seeing good. We become so stuck in the same rut, drudging on day after day with the same outlook that it’s increasingly harder to see how anything could ever be good again. The saddest part, possibly, is this sort of negativity makes us miss out on life.

We’re all guilty of this, even me. And at those times an attitude adjustment is needed.

I believe a positive attitude is freeing. It starts us off on the right note. It makes us happy and it’s easier to deal with whatever the day throws at us. One of the best parts is it makes us smile and feel as though anything is possible. (A positive attitude can do wonders for our spirits.)

Sometimes it’s easier to be negative, but in all honestly, that type of outlook is tiring. Besides, who wants to miss out on all the great things life has to offer? It might take a little work to fight those negative moods. It might take a little effort to believe that nothing stays bad forever, but it’ll be worth it in the end. A positive attitude will change your outlook in life. I’m not saying there still won’t be bad days, but it will make those times easier to handle.

The choice is up to you – negative or positive – but whatever you choose, it’s all in the attitude.

The Perfect Storm

calm seas embrace
lighting flashes behind blue eyes
turbulent waters slowly rise
a storm brews deep inside

barricade the rushing waters
flea the crashing waves
race across the sandy shore
but the sea always finds the land

lighting cracks the sea
waves break with a frustrated cry
whitewash – gnashing teeth
saltwater falls from an angel’s eyes

a live storm looms behind blue eyes
promises to release
an uncharted fury
unknown feelings abide to fear

briny water reaches the shore
captures the heart
valleys carved in the hard, wet sand – resistance
yet, sand grains slip back to the sea

longs to love
fears love
for the wrath of the past has
left it’s impression

scars no one can see
seep into the ocean floor
swept away by the sea of time
still exist

a calming touch graces the sea
gentle wind, light breeze
whispers slowly and softly
land and sea find harmony

sunlight pierces the steely sky
waters shift with changing tides
serene pools rest behind blue eyes
calm seas embrace

The Best Things Are Unexpected

I never expected to meet anyone. When I took the job several months ago it was just that – a job. It was a job that sounded interesting, a job that I knew I would be good at and a it was a paycheck. (Unfortunately, money does make the world go round…to a certain degree.) So imagine my surprise when I met him. Imagine my happiness when it turned into something more wonderful then I could’ve ever dreamed. (And believe me, I dream…a lot.) To this day he still makes me insanely happy.

I still remember the first day I saw him. He was in his street clothes, standing in the middle of the hotel lobby, talking to people. Summer was turning into fall and the late afternoon sun was shinning through the window, casting its golden rays on his face. The light hit his eyes just right and they captured my attention. Then I saw him smile that wonderful smile and heard him laugh that deep, warm laugh. I tried not to stare. Staring is rude. Plus, I’m the shy, quiet type and didn’t want to draw attention to myself.

What I didn’t know was that it was too late. He had already noticed me.

We’re fortunate enough to work in the same place. This means we’re able to see each other every day and that helped us get to know each other in the beginning. Now, and even then, it’s nice having the person you care for so much on the same property, knowing that they are only a short walk across the parking lot.

We have fun together. We’re there for each other. We can be serious (which is difficult sometimes) and silly. When we’re with each other we know we can always be ourselves and that counts for a lot. Sometimes our work schedules prevent us from seeing each other outside of work for weeks and sometimes it even makes it difficult to talk, but we always figure it out.

I couldn’t have asked for anyone better and I’m so thankful that he’s part of my life. He’s one of the most caring, kind, affectionate people I’ve ever met (and I have a million examples to prove it). Sometimes, though, he’s incredibly frustrating. Sometimes his communication skills aren’t the best. Sometimes he’s ridiculously stubborn. But I wouldn’t have it any other way. Honestly, he’s perfect. If he ever reads this I know he’ll probably deny it and ask me what I was thinking, as I’m going to say it again here – he’s perfect. He’s not without his flaws, none of us are, but he’s my form of perfect and I like him for everything he is – flaws and all.

There’s more then one point to this story. I’m sure, maybe, some of you have already figured it out. It would seem that things really do happen when we least expect them, when we’re not looking and in our own little world. We need to be open to the unexpected and embrace it, instead of thinking that it doesn’t fit in with our plan. There’s a reason for everything. And sometimes, those unexpected things are the best things.

You Are Not Broken

Cheating on someone is something I could never do. It’s something I would never do. The idea of cheating on someone is something I would never be able to live with or accept. What’s worse is that people who do cheat not only destroy a person’s sense of trust, but also there idea of love.

I’ve never been cheated on by any man. I’ve been treated poorly in other ways which have been equally as damaging to my ideas of trust and loyalty and love and what a relationship really means. At a certain point I started believing that being alone would simply be easier. No one, meaning me, would get hurt. So I stopped looking and I stopped caring. I retreated further into my books, my music, my photography, my writing…myself.

Even then, I must say, I still cared a little. I don’t believe anyone really wants to be alone. Everybody wants somebody and, in the end, everybody needs somebody. I also don’t believe we can make it through this world alone.

But I started to think I was broken. I had gone so long without really caring, without having any type of romantic feeling toward any man…I started to wonder who could ever truly like me.

There are those in my life who have been cheated on in every relationship they’ve ever been in and I just can’t wrap my mind around it. I know the story. I know the circumstances. I know there are always two sides to a story, but I believe him and, regardless, you don’t just up and cheat on someone who you truly care about. Who would do such a thing? What kind of woman would go off and do such a thing? (This might sound harsh, but, there must have been a block of ice where her heart was meant to be.) If things aren’t working out you’re suppose to talk about it and try to fix it, not go cheat on the guy.

I know people look at him and think how quiet and shy he is, how awkward he appears, how broken and unfixable he must be, but that’s because they don’t know him. People make assumption based on what they see. We are visual creatures by nature, but to know someone is to learn what makes them tick. To know someone intimately is to dive into their soul.

And he is not broken.

No one is actually broken.

There is always a way back, a way out of the darkness. It might be a long, hard road, but there is always a way back.

People who have been done wrong are harder to draw out. They are more difficult to get to know because they have a harder time opening up. They’re more cautious. They build walls around every part of their being to protect themselves from history repeating.

I know this tactic well. I’ve spent most of my life constructing these walls.

But, sometimes, if luck is on our side, we’ll meet that one person who changes everything. (Or maybe it doesn’t have anything to do with luck. Maybe it has to do with timing or being in the right place at the right time or fate.)

So to those who are hurting, I only have one thing left to say – don’t let others ruin you, for you are not broken.