The Beginning of The End

Life isn’t always easy.

As wonderful as life can be, sometimes, it can also be cruel.

Life gives us opportunities, choices, and forces us to choose. It’s the Queen of giving and then taking away. It gives us the highest of highs and the lowest of lows.

At this moment, my heart feels like it’s being torn, broken, scattered. It feels like I’ve been sliced open, exposed, but that’s what happens when you choose to be vulnerable. When you choose to put your heart on the line, to open up, to embrace, to live, to risk it all.

And I risked it all.

For him.

The truth is, we can’t foresee the future, therefore, we never know how things are going to play out. At least, we never know until we experience them for ourselves. Even if I would’ve known how this whole thing was going to turn out, even if I would’ve known the ultimate ending, I still would’ve done it. I still would’ve given every smile, every laugh, every hug, every kiss, every touch. I still would’ve given myself – every single part of my being. As screwed up as it was sometimes, it was my, our, beautiful chaos and it was some of the best moments of my life.

And I regret nothing.

But if pressed, the only things I truly regret are the things I didn’t say or do. And, to me, that’s worse then regretting things that have been said and done because in this case I’m left with the thoughts of all the things that have been left undone and all the things that have been left unsaid. I’m left with “what-ifs” and never knowing.

At the end of the day, at least I know how I felt. At least I know I truly cared. At least I know that I did everything I could to keep us together, to fight for what we had because I believed in it.

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