Final Destination

We all have those things in our lives that we don’t understand, that sometimes leave us with more questions then answers. We all also have a breaking point. It’s called being human. And, in this particular situation, I found mine.

I know he won’t see this letter. I know he’s probably never seen any of them. But, if he ever did stumble across it and actually took the time to read it, then he would know some of the final things I never had a chance to say. Part of me hopes with all my whole heart that, maybe, one day, he’ll see it.

Dear Handsome,

I thought you cared about me, but I guess I was wrong. There was a time where I know you cared for me and you did everything to show me how invested you were in us. You were patient and kind. You were sweet and respectful. You brought me flower and made me chocolate covered strawberries. You took me out. You hugged and kissed me with a passion. You simply made time for me, not matter what. There were a million other tiny things too. I think there may have been a depth to how much you cared, maybe a depth that scared you, but, either way, I guess those days are over. I guess some things really do change.

Why’d you do it? Why’d you touch another woman? Why’d you put your hand on her ass? Honestly, no man who’s with me, who truly cares about me, is going to go around touching another woman. Of all the people in this world, I never thought you would do something like that to me. I trusted you with my heart and, in the end, you threw it away.

The truth is, I’m tired of being the only one who seems to care. I’m tired of being the only one who seems to be fighting for us. I’m tired of trying to talk to you and you telling me you don’t have the time. I’m tired of trying to figure things out and you acting like I’m the one who’s wrong and like I’m the one who has the problem. I’m tired of playing this hot and cold, cat and mouse game. That’s not what I want and it shouldn’t be that way. It never used to be that way. For awhile now you’ve been there, but not there all at once, like you’re a shell of your former self.

Looking back, I think something broke months ago and as much as I tried to repair it, it couldn’t be fixed…because you didn’t care enough to help fix it. It takes two people to make things work, but, sometimes, it only takes one to break them.

I told you once that you had given me more then you’ll ever know. Despite the way you’re acting now, I still believe that’s true in many cases. You awakened a level of confidence and sexiness that I didn’t know I had in me. You introduced me to a world I had never known before. You showed me what it was like to have someone who truly cared for me. You taught me what it was like to feel safe with a man. You taught me what it was like to feel alive again. You taught me what it felt like to love.

I don’t hate you and I don’t want to be mad at you, but what you did, how you’re acting now and the way you’re now treating me is inexcusable. You crossed the line. You messed up. And when I confronted you, well, you couldn’t even defend yourself. You didn’t even apologize. You didn’t even bat an eye. Now you hardly talk to me. You barely look at me. You treat me like a ghost, like a perfect stranger, when just two weeks ago you couldn’t keep your hands off me and you couldn’t wait to see me. Is it because you’re ashamed? Is it because you know I trusted you and you shattered that trust? Is it because you know how deeply I cared for you and how deeply you ended up hurting me? Whatever the case, the turnout of these events is sad. For lack of a better term – sad.

Regardless, I regret nothing. Even if you asked me five years from now, I still wouldn’t regret anything. And if I had the chance to do it all over again, knowing this is how it would turn out, I would still do it.

But this seems to be the end of the road for us, where our journey together ends. So, my butterfly, fly free. As difficult as it is for me to say this – fly free. If one day you decide to come back then it was meant to be and, maybe, just maybe, I’ll give you another chance, but if you never return, then, at least I’ll have some wonderful memories.

Our last hug was beautiful.

Our last kiss was wonderful.

Our last time was magical.

What I wish for you now is the same as the first day we met. I hope you find your way in life. I hope you surround yourself with positive people who will always stand by you and encourage you. I hope you find the happiness that you’re so deserving of.

Always,
Nicole

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