He still has it.
I thought he threw it away.
He thought I found someone else.
I thought he’d never talk to me again.
He thought I threw it away.
I still have it.
I guess we all assume things at times and that seems to be when we end up in some of the worse trouble.
Looking back now, I’m not sure I fully understand what happened. Yes, I know he did some bad things, but I feel like it’s something that could’ve been dealt with through conversation.
Four months later, here we are.
He still has the bandana. It’s the one I chose for him the first time we went out together – the first night he kissed me…one the bench…in the park…right after we watched the sun set. That night he wanted to kiss me over and over again (and I wanted to do the same). It was the same night he told me this was the happiest he’s been in a long, long time (and I confessed the same).
I still have the teddy bear. It’s the stuffed animal he bought me the first time we went away, the first time we spent the night together. I was going to buy it myself, but he took it from me and headed to the cash register. I thought it was one of the sweetest things, buying me that teddy bear. It had a special place on my desk and I used to cuddle it as much as I used to cuddle him.
I’m fairly confident in saying that we’ve all been there. We’ve all met that one person who we care so deeply for that we would do anything for them, but, at the same time, we know we’re setting ourselves up for one of the worse pains a person can feel if or when it ends. Then, once the pain is gone, we’re left with anger and hatred. When those emotions subside, sometimes, we realize we still feel the same as we did before.
Part of me thought I was over him, but the other part of me was simply fooling myself. I was suppressing my feelings until I felt nothing. It’s almost comical how we build up walls and stuff down feelings toward the ones who matter. Sometimes it seems building walls is as easy as tearing them down. You just have to know who’s worth letting in.
I’m not sure how it started again, but it might’ve all started the day he wore the bandana. (And he knows exactly what that bandana symbolizes.) Since that day he’s become cozy talking with me again. Some of the things he’s said and done make me believe he still thinks about me and even, possibly, still cares, (other then the fact that he actually said he tries not to think about it), but I think there’s still a long way to go.
He hasn’t found anyone else, but, then again, neither have I. There was a brief moment in time where I tired, but I didn’t want those two guys in the way I want him. The truth is…I never stopped caring about him. I might’ve become frustrated at times or angry or even hated him for a moment at the end, but I never stopped caring about him. When I made the decision to back off, I did it in the hopes that it would make things better and that he’d come back around. I did it because at the time I felt like I didn’t have any other options and he wasn’t exactly willing to talk.
But not for one second did I ever stop caring about him.
In fact, at this moment, he’s the only one I want.
We’ve all met that one person who melts our heart an sets our soul on fire. Maybe you’re dating them right now. Maybe you’re engaged to them. Maybe you’re married to them. Maybe, for some reason, you let that person go. No matter what, I think we’ve all met that one person. They are such a rare find in this life and I believe if we’re lucky enough to find them we should embrace them for all that they are and never let them go.