Unearthing The Buried

He still has it.

I thought he threw it away.

He thought I found someone else.

I haven’t.

I thought he’d never talk to me again.

He is.

He thought I threw it away.

I still have it.

I guess we all assume things at times and that seems to be when we end up in some of the worse trouble.

Looking back now, I’m not sure I fully understand what happened. Yes, I know he did some bad things, but I feel like it’s something that could’ve been dealt with through conversation.

Four months later, here we are.

He still has the bandana. It’s the one I chose for him the first time we went out together – the first night he kissed me…one the bench…in the park…right after we watched the sun set. That night he wanted to kiss me over and over again (and I wanted to do the same). It was the same night he told me this was the happiest he’s been in a long, long time (and I confessed the same).

I still have the teddy bear. It’s the stuffed animal he bought me the first time we went away, the first time we spent the night together. I was going to buy it myself, but he took it from me and headed to the cash register. I thought it was one of the sweetest things, buying me that teddy bear. It had a special place on my desk and I used to cuddle it as much as I used to cuddle him.

I’m fairly confident in saying that we’ve all been there. We’ve all met that one person who we care so deeply for that we would do anything for them, but, at the same time, we know we’re setting ourselves up for one of the worse pains a person can feel if or when it ends. Then, once the pain is gone, we’re left with anger and hatred. When those emotions subside, sometimes, we realize we still feel the same as we did before.

Part of me thought I was over him, but the other part of me was simply fooling myself. I was suppressing my feelings until I felt nothing. It’s almost comical how we build up walls and stuff down feelings toward the ones who matter. Sometimes it seems building walls is as easy as tearing them down. You just have to know who’s worth letting in.

I’m not sure how it started again, but it might’ve all started the day he wore the bandana. (And he knows exactly what that bandana symbolizes.) Since that day he’s become cozy talking with me again. Some of the things he’s said and done make me believe he still thinks about me and even, possibly, still cares, (other then the fact that he actually said he tries not to think about it), but I think there’s still a long way to go.

He hasn’t found anyone else, but, then again, neither have I. There was a brief moment in time where I tired, but I didn’t want those two guys in the way I want him. The truth is…I never stopped caring about him. I might’ve become frustrated at times or angry or even hated him for a moment at the end, but I never stopped caring about him. When I made the decision to back off, I did it in the hopes that it would make things better and that he’d come back around. I did it because at the time I felt like I didn’t have any other options and he wasn’t exactly willing to talk.

But not for one second did I ever stop caring about him.

In fact, at this moment, he’s the only one I want.

We’ve all met that one person who melts our heart an sets our soul on fire. Maybe you’re dating them right now. Maybe you’re engaged to them. Maybe you’re married to them. Maybe, for some reason, you let that person go. No matter what, I think we’ve all met that one person. They are such a rare find in this life and I believe if we’re lucky enough to find them we should embrace them for all that they are and never let them go.

More Than

I’ve been told I take it too seriously…and maybe, at times, I do.

I’ve been told I’m “old school”…and maybe, at times, I am.

I’ve heard people say “it is what it is”…and maybe it is.

But not to me.

To me, it’s more.

It’s a topic I rarely talk about and barely write about because it’s intimate, personal. Although, maybe, if we were all a little more open about it, we would understand each other better.

So what am I referring to?

Sex.

And how exactly did this become the topic of conversation?

Well, the other night a friend and I were discussing it. I forget exactly how it made its way into our conversation, but he and I were talking about it.

Yes, a male and a female perspective. How they’re so different and, yet, similar. (And yes, we debated a lot and in the end agreed on a lot too.)

So here we go. Maybe, after this, we’ll be one step closer to understanding each other more. If not, well, at the very least maybe someone out there, male or female, can find even the smallest nugget of wisdom within these words.

My friend started off the conversation with a bang. Apparently we (women) have to “give it up” at some point in order to keep the interest intact, but I believe women can lose interest in men just as easily. We’re all different, but from my observation and experience, if a woman is feeling neglected, unwanted, unloved then she can start to lose interest. If she’s beginning to feel single, while still in a relationship, even after trying to salvage it, then she will begin to act single and slowly pull away. Circle back to the “give it up” scenario and, the truth is, we (women), or anybody for that matter, don’t have to do anything. Sex shouldn’t be something that’s done just to keep a person’s interest level up. It shouldn’t be something that’s sought after like a prize. It should be much more…because it is much more.

There’s a difference between love and lust. I’m not an expert on any of this, but, like others, I have insight and know the difference between the two. There may be a thin line between love and lust, but when you lust after someone you’re only interest seems to be in their body. When you love someone you’re interested in their body, but it’s more than that because you’re also interested in their mind and their soul.

I’ll admit that I agreed with my friend pretty readily on one point – when in a relationship it’ll, probably, reach a point where there’s a desire for sex. However, I want to be very clear on this point. It should be wanted by both parties. No one should feel forced. No one should feel like they have to partake in the act. And it’s alright to say no.

On the other side of the coin, sex is wonderful – with the right person. It’s ok to wait. There’s no time stamp on who or when we must share this special moment. And this goes for both men and women. So, I’ll say it again…it’s ok to wait.

There are guys out there who will be patient. There are guys out there who care about the woman that they’re with so much that they’ll wait until they’re ready. They may bring it up, as a friendly reminder, but they won’t push it. They’ll wait. And I believe that goes both ways. (I used to have one of these guys, so, if you’re lacking hope that they really do exist, well, I can confidently say that they do.)

Sex is more than tangled limbs. It’s more than something to do on a rainy morning, on a sunny spring day or a cold winter night. It’s more than an act. When it’s done in the name of love, it’s beautiful. When two people are connected so deeply that they want to know each other and bond on a higher level – an intimate, deeper, sexual level – it’s more than words may ever be able to express.

At first I didn’t get it, but then, after a moment, I completely understood. When you’re laying in bed with someone completely naked…it’s the most naked you’ll ever be. And I don’t mean no clothes naked. I mean emotionally naked. It’s more than attempting to hide your flaws or put your best self forward because it’s in this moment that everything falls away and you realize (even more so) how much you love the other person, how special they are to you and how you’re willing to give them everything. And that’s a feeling words may never be able to do justice.

It becomes more than just a touch – it’s electric. It’s more than the sensation of heat pouring from the other’s body, the synchronized breathing and the sound of each other’s heart beating – it’s two slowly becoming one. And when you come together it’s more than just sex. It’s the soul staring look that’s returned by both as they hold each other’s gaze. It’s the fiery passion of kisses (both passionate and tender). No, it’s so much more than the simple act of sex…it’s two souls meeting, two souls touching, two souls being intertwined.

2017 is…

It’s a new year.

It’s a clean slate.

It’s 365 days of blank pages.

It’s a story waiting to be written.

It’s a year of new adventures.

It’s a year of possibilities.

It’s a year of opportunities.

It’ a year of continuously pursuing passions.

It’s a year of lessons.

It’s a year of growth.

It’s a year of new friends.

It’s a year of new hurts.

It’s a year of new tears.

It’s a year of new obstacles.

It’s a year of new beauty.

It’s a year of new joy.

It’s a year of new love.

It’s a year of the unknown.

I wish all of you the best in 2017!