Life isn’t in the business of giving second chances.
At least not to my knowledge.
But when life does offer a second chance, whether by design or accident, I highly recommend grasping it. (Although, the argument could be made that there are no accidents in life and that everything happens for a reason. That, however, is a discussion for another time.)
I never thought I’d be given a second chance. I thought I screwed it up so bad that the universe would be laughing at me for decades, calling me a foolish woman. And maybe I was foolish, but I was younger then and my reasoning felt sound.
Okay, maybe I’m getting a little ahead of myself. So, let me backtrack.
Years ago, when I was in college, I met a boy. It wasn’t love at first sight, at least not that I can remember, but he still had qualities that made me blush and want to melt. He had the most gorgeous eyes, a sweet smile, and a warm laugh. He was kind and funny. (Even to this day he can make me laugh like no one else can.) He seemed quiet and shy, unless it was just the two of us together. We were friends, sure, but, at a certain point, I developed feelings that were more than friendly feelings. Of course, I was quiet and shy myself and certainly not the type of person who would openly make my feelings known to anyone. No, I had been hurt too many times by others to take that risk and go down that road again. Besides, the chances he even remotely felt the same about me was, well, slim.
But I couldn’t have been more wrong.
The year we were meant to graduate, he asked me out.
I said no.
And the universe rolled its eyes and whispered how I was a foolish woman.
I was too.
The truth is, when he asked, I was surprised and scared. I won’t go into detail, but the rush of emotions and thoughts that passed through my mind was almost too much. So, I said no and basically ran away when I should’ve said yes and stayed. I knew it was a mistake even as it was happening, but, again, without going into the details, I was younger then and my reasoning felt sound.
I think we’ve all been there at least once in our lives. We’ve all made mistakes. We’ve all run scared from something. And there’s no shame in that because, at the time, it feels right and our choices aren’t thought of as mistakes. It’s only when we look back on things later that we sometimes title out actions ‘Mistake.’
Well, we lost contact shortly after graduation. Part of me thought it was for the best. Another part of me was sad to lose such a good friend.
Through the years, he still passed through my thoughts. At first, it felt like the universe was making me suffer more than I was already making myself suffer. I felt guilty for hurting him, sad for losing contact, and was mad at myself for my previous actions. Overall, I pulled a classic me and continuously beat myself up over the situation.
I think it’s safe to say that we’ve all been there at least once in our lives too. We’ve all beat ourselves up over something, no matter how big or small. But I think this, all of this, is just part of being human.
Later on, when he’d pass through my thoughts, I felt different about it. It didn’t feel like suffering anymore. I simply hoped he was doing well in life and wished him all the best.
The last time this man entered my thoughts, he wouldn’t leave. He set up camp and refused to vacate the area. He relentlessly remained on my mind and I believed it must be for a reason so, I searched for him.
And I found him.
And I guess, in a way, we’ve always been connected.
It turns out, I never left his thoughts either, as he spent time searching for me too. (Only he was never able to track me down.)
I suppose this was how it was always meant to be.
Maybe it wasn’t right back then, when we were in college. Maybe we were too young, too foolish in our own ways. Maybe we had to go off and grow into the people we were meant to be, not only for ourselves but for each other.
So, maybe, this is how it was meant to be. Or, maybe, this is a second chance. It doesn’t really matter to me either way. All I know is, this man is now my special someone and I’m never letting him go.