I’m fairly confident in saying that we’ve all been there. We’ve all been hurt. We’ve all felt our hearts bursting into a million pieces. We’ve all felt our hearts swell with love. We’ve all made connections with others and, in some cases, created bonds. We’ve all had experiences that have helped shape us as well as grow. It all blends into this lovely, chaotic thing called life.
This man. This wonderful man. Despite everything, I wouldn’t give up my time with him for anything in the world. I believe he’s one of the good ones. Whether he sees this letter or not, he already knows everything that’s in it (and more) I’m sure. After all, he lived it.
Dear Handsome,
I love you.
I finally told you and hear I come to find out that after all this time you already knew. I often wondered if you did and there were so many times I wanted to tell you, where I almost did, but I never said the words because I was always afraid it would scare you away. I’m a big believer in if you feel it then say it, but I had never felt it before…until you.
Everything I’ve ever told you, I’ve meant every word. You know and remember the things I’ve said. You know and remember the things I’ve done, the things we’ve done. You know I’m a sincere person. You know me.
So now…where are we now? Some of it still doesn’t make sense. I’m not putting the blame on anyone, but part of me thinks that sometimes you weren’t fair to me or to yourself. But the past is the past and we can’t change that, not that I would want to. If I had the choice to do it all over again, I would relive every single moment in a heartbeat. I have no regrets. You gave me more then you’ll ever know (or maybe you do know). Thanks to you I’ve experienced some beautiful things in life. It’s easy to say that if it wasn’t you it would’ve been someone else, but it was suppose to be you. All those other women were mere girls, obviously never realizing what they had when they were with you, since they were stupid and foolish to have treated you poorly and to have let you go, but through their mistakes, I won. When they let you go they set me up to one day be with you. When they let you go they set us up to be together, to make each other happy and to share so much with one another. It was always meant to be you. And for that I’m grateful. As I’ve said before, I’m so glad it was you.
Neither of us knows for sure what’s going to happen. Unfortunately, neither of us can see into the future and our crystal ball seems to be broken. This could be the end of the road for us or it could be the beginning of a new path. We could stay friends. We could enter into a relationship again. Or we could go in completely different directions. You said it yourself, you don’t know what’s going to happen because you just never know. And that’s one of the beautiful and scary things about life, life’s mysteries – the unknown. That’s when, I think, we simply have to have faith.
You say that you want to be friends. Well, I would love to be friends with you. I think you’re a good person with a good heart. After everything we’ve shared it might take a minute for us to switch gears, but I think we’re both on the same page – wanting to be in each other’s lives rather than not at all.
When we first met, when we first started dating, I told you I wasn’t going anywhere. Well, that still holds true. You can always talk to me about anything and everything. I wish you nothing but the best, always.
Always,
Nicole
Nicole's Narratives 